Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
