I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
