It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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