Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
