You're my little dorito
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
