You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
