i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
