Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
