You're my little dorito
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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