okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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