I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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