PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
