The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
