you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
