The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
