i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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