im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
