I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
