So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
