I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
