Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
