I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
