I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
