I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
