anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
