FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
