Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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