you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
