make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
