She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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