ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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