I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
