did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
