Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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