New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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