I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
