we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
