I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
