i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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