im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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