Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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