I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
