i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
