Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
