We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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