is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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