Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
