I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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