What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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