Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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