there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
