Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
