You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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