Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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