I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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