Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
