We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
