She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize