I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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