great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
