My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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