I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
