I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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