We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize