I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
