those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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