Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
