I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
