I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize